hinawashi

Ominous oinkers! I haven't updated my journal here for over 2 years, and the whole interface for writing journals on DA has completely been revamped to something reminiscent of tumblr posts. I guess it's for the best because DA is definitely going the way of tumblr.

Anyways, I got the idea for writing this journal article while negotiating my commission prices with my clients. To be honest, I'm kinda clueless when it comes to setting my commission prices because for the last 5 years, I've been living in Japan, trying to carve out my own path in the greater Tokyo region like all the other good little birbs locked up in concrete cages. The problem was that most of my clients resided outside of Japan and I didn't want to pay the outrageous 20% transaction fee on some foreign exchange or bank deposit or some fin-tech shenanigans. So I kinda distanced myself away from the whole commission business until I returned to Canada where I can actually can link up my old PayPal account to my bank again, which allowed me to take commission just like all the other artists.

After gleaning some commission prices from other artists who had similar art styles and customer/fan bases, it didn't take very long to get a mental image of how much I should sell my art. However, during the process of browsing people's commission artworks, I ran into a whole bunch of complaints about the AI-generated art is somehow going to take over and put them out of their creative businesses. At first they gave me a good chuckle, but after a while I started to think.

What are people buying exactly? Is it just the finished art piece? Probably not. Because you could just get an AI to generate images of your prompts. It's no genie in a bottle when it comes to how close the generated content is to your expectations, but it's definitely the most affordable and the cost-effective option. What if they are not really buying the art, and they're buying a relationship with the artists they follow instead? When I eventually forced myself to consider this alternative perspective, everything just clicks and falls into place perfectly.

To illustrate my point, suppose that I'm some big-name artist (hey I just hit the 100K views milestone. *insert confetti here*) I can sell any kind of art I want, be it a simple pen-and-ink sketch that I spend 10 minutes on, or a full-color watercolor "painting", what I'm selling is an association with this paintbrush-wielding feathered reptile who somehow accumulated a lot of attention, and a spot in a cultish circle among quite the talonful of my followers (who may or may not be sacrificed in demonic rituals, you know what game I've been playing) with subscription-based services such as Pateron. That association, or relationship as I would like to call it, is where the majority of the perceived value of my art lies, but is separate from the actual artwork itself.

On the flip side, had I been a no-name artist, I could spend the same amount of effort in making the art, plus all the accumulated effort that went into learning and practising and improving and shaping my art into something consistent and recognizable, and still not be able to sell anything. Why? Because a relationship with me would not be perceived as valuable as somebird who has already established their own birdsonal brand.

Some time in the past I was told that art (and culture in general, but for the sake of simplicity I'm calling it art here) and money are diametrically opposed to each other. In other words, you either make art, or make money, never both. But wait, aren't most (non-starving) artists out there make money by selling their art? To answer that question, I would like to first distinguish those who see art as something created from those who see art as something consumed. Once you make that distinction, you'll clearly see that the camp who believe art to be something created make art with money as merely their by-product, and those who believe art to be something consumed make money with art as their by-product.

Before the advent of the AI-generated art, it was hard to separate the two camps because their customers seemed to be buying the same thing. But now that more and more people from one camp have fallen away to chase AI art, it simply became more and more obvious that the other camp was selling relationships all along. I mean, if you think about it, relationships with other people (and things) is who we are, particularly in the age of the great plague where people are more isolated than ever.

Is art meant to be created or consumed? Should people sell relationships as a commodity? Should people market themselves as brands? What are the consequences? Are there even "correct" or "best" answers to these questions? I'm just as in the dark as most of you are. But the most important question for you to ask yourself is this:

What are you buying?

Today is my 30th birdday, or as some put it, the 10th anniversary of my 20th birdday. 30 years have passed since I hatched, so right now would be a good time to reflect upon my life so far. For those of you who don't know about me, I have always been a closeted Christian. I have mentioned my faith to some of my close friends, but now I think it's about time to come out of the closet about my faith. After all, we (as believers) are supposed to be the salt of the earth and light of the world (Matthew 5:13-16). Keeping my faith hidden is not a good characterstic of a believer. I often jokingly say that I'm "a prophet who sleeps with stuffed animals", but nevertheless, I'm still a prophet called by god to plant the seeds of the gospel. So, I want to take the opportunity of my 30th birdday to get my message started.

From a very early age, I was different. I remember when I was 6 years old, I asked my parents what would happen when I die. Of course, they couldn't give me an answer. Japan's mix of Shinto and Buddhism gave everybird a vague idea of reincarnation, that when you die you become somebird else in another time period, but there's no definitive answer on who or where or when or why. Everybird says that if you do good in this life you'll be rewarded in the next life, and vice versa if you've been bad. Of course I wasn't content, so I became frustrated and depressed. Since it's not normal for a little hatchling to have an existential crisis at such an early age, my parents took me to a psychologist to set my mind straight. When I came face to face with the docto who happened to be an old man, I simply asked him why isn't he more worried about death than I am, since he's much older. He got upset and brushed off my question because I was somehow disrespecting him, but I knew he couldn't give me a good answer either. He diagnosed me with ADHD (which was quite trendy at that time) and sent me and my parents on the way, and that was it for that encounter.

Fast forward 20 years and much has happened. My family immigrated to Canada and start a new life there because I wouldn't fare very well with the stigma of mental issues in Japan. I was baptized at the age of 13, just as I started junior high. My diagnosis changed from ADHD to autism, then to Assburger's Syndrome, then high-functioning autism, then pervasive developmental disorder, and finally to delayed developmental disorder, all over the span of 20 years. I never had trouble with school nor was I bullied in any way, because I spent most of my time at school in either the library (even to the point of requesting special permission to eat in the library), or the lab, and I never hanged out with the other hatchlings. I just quietly observed everybird from behind the scenes. I noticed so many things that are wrong with this world, but never bothered to ask any questions.

But things started to change 3 years ago when I decided to leave my family and start a new life in Tokyo. I've always dreamed of living in Tokyo since I was young, even though I knew that life in one of the biggest cities in the world can be extremely challenging. Even though I was able to make a living and still have enough money left over every month to feed my addiction to stuffed animals, I noticed there's a pervasive sense of loneliness despite being surrounded by such a high population that peoples are just packed like sardines in a can. The sense of loneliness is so inescapable that it deeply affected me. At first I thought it was just me because I might have been alienated due to my poor social skills, but then I realized that it's happening to everybird. Then I did a bit more research and found out that Japan was actually doing relatively well compared to other countries like the Untied States. It seems that the whole world is being ripped apart.

Without any more unnecessary details to my own life, let's start with main topic of why I'm a Christian, and why I choose to hold on to my faith and why I am no longer afraid or ashamed. First, the Bible. It's a book divided into the old and the new testament. Besides the wisdom literature (Job, Proverbs and Qoholeth), the Old Testament had two major parts: Historical records and prophecy. The historical parts gave the story of how mankind is completely fallen and not even the holy law given to God's chosen people of Israel could save them. The prophecy mentions the complete destruction of Israel by foreign powers, and more importantly, the coming of a future savior. The New Testament follows the same formula. First there are the gospel books and Acts, which tell the story of Jesus and the fate of his followers including Saint Paul. Next there are the epistles, or letters, which give instructions to believers on how to live a godly life. Finally it ends with the book of Apocalypse which is like a prophecy about how the world is going to end.

If you connect the dots just like Paul did in the book of Romans, it all boils down a couple of points. First, the total depravity of man. Despite our best efforts, we are all tainted by sin and strayed away from God, and we are unable to save ourselves. As a result we suffer the consequences. Birdsonally, I think the loneliness that we all feel is one of the consequences for sin, because the original meaning of "sin" is "falling short" as in an arrow falls short of its target, and not necessarily evil. Because of that "falling short", we are out of reach for God, who is the only one who can fulfill our deepest spiritual desires. The whole history of Israel was recorded as an evidence to show that nothing other than the savior can fix that "falling short". Israel was called to be God's people, not because they are special in any sense, but rather because they are so ordinary that they can represent the entire human race. Yet they still fall short of God's requirements. Time and time again God had shown favor to Israel, from crossing the Red Sea to the final coming of Christ, yet they refuse to listen. In a sense, the historical records of Israel is the human condition: Fallen short and unable to save ourselves.

The second point is perhaps the most important one. God loves us. John 3:16 had always been the "gospel in a nutshell". One night, Nicodemus was discussing with Jesus about spiritual rebirth, and Jesus said "For God so loved the world, he gave his only son so that anyone who believes in him will not die but have eternal life." Some may say that God had been wrathful in the Old Testament, but nothing can compare with God's eventual abandonment of mankind as Paul described in the beginning of Romans. But God is also merciful enough to not only provide a savior for us, but also forgive our transgressions and count us as righteous even as we are still bound to our flawed bodies and sinful desires. As a result, we are no longer "dead", or in other words" separate from God. We are no longer spiritually lonely, even as our flesh feels the full impact of loneliness in this world.

The third and final point is God's promise. God has always operated on the principle of promises, from Abraham's promised land to Jesus's eternal life. If you think about it, we tend to take faith for granted, as many things in life involve future promises. Even something as simple as ordering a meal from McDlanod's is an act of faith, because you're counting on the promise of the food being delivered to you after you pay for the meal! However,the concept of future is being rapidly eroded away in today's world. I plan on discussing about this in detail in a future journal, but for now we can all agree that less and less people care about the future anymore. Since the very beginning, God has planted eternity in our minds, hoping that one day it will grow into a desire to fully connect with God. That's the anchor to keep us firm in these turbulent days. Sure, there are disasters and plagues, but God's promise never changes. As Paul said in 2nd Corinthians 4:8 "We are pressed on all sides by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair." God's promise keeps us going even in difficult times, and we need it more than ever.

There are so many things I want to say right now, but I really want to just leave it here. I totally welcome all kinds of comments, and I'll explain in detail on my observations and findings later. If you want to talk to me in private, feel free to do so!

It's been a long time since I have written a full journal here. The problem of closed species came across my mind when I overheard a discussion in one of Alex's streams. So some people asked Alex whether he's going to make his own closed species, and he replied no. He said that he didn't like the idea of a closed species but he couldn't put his reasons into words. And we all speculated and gave our accounts on why it's a bad idea. It wasn't much of a debate, but I stood out as the most hard-lined artist in the stream chat. I know it's going to sound like yet another angry rant from an angry birb, so I'll do my best to explain the issue as calmly as possible.

Before I begin, for those of you who are unaware of what a "closed species" is, it's the creation of a group centered on a fictional "species" that share the same characteristics like body shape and markings and the species can be anything from "the fish of the sea, the fowl of the air, cattle, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth". It can either be in the form of simple adoptables, i.e. the creator makes the characters in advance and then distributes to their members, or open slots with very strict rules like tiers/rarity.

First, I would like to quickly mention an argument that everybird in the stream agreed on. We all agreed that it preys on people's fear of missing out, but I pointed out something I believed to be deeper. I said that I would stay far away from those who make or moderate closed species, and I would never involve myself in such a group even if I was offered a top tier slot for free. Needless to say, it sounded like I'm somebird who uncompromisingly adheres to her principles. However, I explained that fundamentally, all closed species groups create, and then prey on divisions. At this point the discussion came to a dead end, because nobird was able to understand what I meant by "divisions", so that's why I decided to write about it here.

When I said closed species creates divisions, I mean it divides people into two groups: the "haves" and the "have-nots". I honestly don't care how big any given closed species community is, there is going to be people who are in it, and those who are not. And who gets to draw the line between the two? The creator and their moderators, with their arbitrary yet byzantine rules. In order to jump on the bandwagon, one has to jump through more hoops than a whale at Sea World and perform tasks from something as simple as donating money to "support" the creators, to "draw to own", i.e. a cheap way to get free fan art for the creators, and sometime even straight-up pyramid schemes where you climb up the tiers by recruiting or inviting more bottom-level members.

But why would people want to get in on such a deal? I believe there are two reasons. Reason number one, a lot of artists are lonely in a world that is ostensibly more connected than ever though social media, and they desperately crave a sense belonging, hence the aforementioned "fear of missing out". What better place to be than a community that centers around a combination of creativity and belong? And that's really the heart of the issue. People want to belong, yet they can't they feel that they belong unless there is a clear division that separates those who belong and those who don't. Aren't we all artists who are here to create whatever we want to create? Why divide? If you want to create a community with a true sense of belonging, why not make an open species and forget about all the rules about who can draw this and who can't draw that? I'm sorry, but when it comes to deep issues like this, I have to take a hard-lined stance, for my own sake and for those who I might potentially influence. Any closed species that come with a tiered system is especially egregious because it creates divisions within divisions.

The second reason is the "sunk cost" of joining such a closed species group. Whether it's time and effort, or emotional and financial investment, it's the cost that can't be recovered, like a sunken ship. I know it sounds unrelated to this particular topic of closed species, but I would like you to imagine two scenarios. You have bought a 20 Reichsmarks ticket to a movie screening (assuming a pre-plague timeline here!). In Scenario A, you arrive at the theater and find out that you lost the ticket and you have to buy another one at the counter. In Scenario B, you arrive at the theater but you found out that you lost a 20 Reichsmark bill from your wallet. In which scenario would you keep going to see the movie? I don't know about you, but most people would have answered Scenario A. Why? Because even though both scenarios involve a net loss of 20 Reichsmarks, the lost ticket becomes the "sunk cost" which one must somehow "recover" by buying another, while the lost cash feels like it's got nothing to do with the movie whatsoever.

In the same vein, once you have paid your way in a "community", it's hard to leave. I'm not saying that a closed species group has the word "trap" written all over it, but at least to me, I am instantly on the defensive when I hear about something that's "invites only" as if only the few talon-picked elites can have a membership. I refused joining Toyhouse because of this reason until I was eventually pressured to join, and even to this day I keep a minimal profile and treat the site as more or less of a repository for my characters and images.

Now let's address a few common objections that people might throw at me in their attempt to defend their closed species. First, "it's about being creative". Ever heard this saying "creativity knows no limits". How can something be creative when one person dictates how something is to be created? Next, "it brings people together". No. you can't unite when your tactic is to divide. An echo chamber is not a community. It's a birdsonality cult following. Then there's the good old "it's all done with good intentions". Good trees don't produce bad fruit and bad trees don't produce good fruit. If the fruit is division and drama that follows, then it can't be possibly produced from good intentions.

All that being said, I am not against the creators of any closed species. I just wanted to take a moment and acknowledge some of the deep-rooted issues in its founding concepts without pointing my talons at anybird in specific by including feather-raising "cautionary tales". If you want to create a certain species and its lore and that's how you want to express your creativity, that's perfectly fine. Keep it to yourself, and if you want to bring people on board, make it open so that anybird can participate without the restraints such as "invites only".

Be a true artist! Own your creativity!

I'm temporarily out of work due to the Great 21st Century Plague, so I have much more free time on my talons. That might soon change though, because my online courses are going to start in May. So for the next two weeks, I'll be taking free requests from my followers!

The pens I'll be using are calligraphy pen, G pen and spoon pen. Each have different ways of adjusting the line width. The calligraphy pen changes width by rotating the pen in different orientations. The G pen reacts to pen pressure just like any ordinary digital tablet pen, and the spoon pen reacts to speed. The quicker you draw, the lighter the ink will be. Of course, I'll try to make good use of all three of them, but my birdsonal favorite is the calligraphy pen. It's tricky to use, so that's why I need more practice.

If you want me to draw something, just tell me! But, I'd like to ask you a favor as well. My art has its limitations, so I won't be doing all of them. Please don't be upset at me for choosing one over another!

I hope you enjoy your stay-at-home quarantine with lots of toilet paper to wipe your cloaca squeaky clean!

Update:

I lost the pen that I use for doing ink sketches, so I have to close the pen and ink requests. Normally losing a pen is no big issue, but now that the Great Plague has caused all stores to shut down, there's no way I can replace the lost pen.

Thanksgiving is here. What does that make you think of? Stuffing your beak with grilled birds? Or the Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales? How about actually giving thanks for once? Have we forgotten about gratitude? Do we now see Thanksgiving as another holiday to be marketed?

Today I want to use this opportunity to discuss the importance of gratitude and contentment, and how it is the antidote to our toxic materialistic and consumerist culture. I have briefly mentioned before that there are two kinds of happiness: stimulation VS contentment. Stimulation is a short-term excitement and it doesn't last very long, however, we can try to put ourselves into a position where we can get a source of stimulation on-demand so that forget that it's fleeting and short-lived. For example, maybe watching a movie is exciting for a short while, but if we could see new movies coming out every single day, then we could be constantly be excited. On the other talon, contentment doesn't rely on stimulation. It's that moment when you know you have had enough. If the meal is the stimulation, then contentment is the feeling of being full after a meal. But in this day and age, it seems that no matter how much we consume, we just don't feel full at all. The fun and buzz is still there, if not greater, but we have lost the feeling on contentment and thus become unable to give thanks to anything.

One may be tempted into thinking: I have earned everything I have in life, and I'm the one who's responsible for the life I'm living, then what's the point of giving thanks to anything but myself? Take a bowl of fried potato for example. Perhaps you bought the potato from a store, but did you grow the potato yourself? If you did grow our own potatoes, then who designed the potato in the first place? Maybe it's God, maybe it's just nature, but it's certainly not you. Therefore, you ought to give thanks to the fact that there's this plant that exists that's full of starch and turns golden brown and crispy when it's deep fried in oils. Or what about the turkey? Before you stick that chuck of delicious bird in your beak, think about all the work that has been put into putting that bird on the dinner table. Think of everything that went from gathering all the raw materials, manufacturing all the bird parts, and all the work putting the birds together and finally wrapping it up in a nice package and put on a shelf at a store near driving distance, that's just in time for the holiday season. All of that you ought to give thanks to.

There are also circumstances that are beyond your control that made you who you are today. Did you choose who your parents were? Did you choose the country you hatched in? Did you choose the culture you grew up in? Did you choose how tall or short you are? Did you choose how intelligent you are? There are so many things that not only we cannot control but we also take for granted with absolutely no afterthought. It is good to take pride in your achievements, but you shouldn't take 100% credit for anything. Before you boast, it's better to think about what you didn't earn that helped you on your journey to success.

Without gratitude we are left with only complaints. There are good things in life that are out of our control, and there are also bad ones. But, instead of accepting them, we comaplain about them. Complaining doesn't solve anything, and although gratitude doesn't solve anything either, at least it will make the moment of suffering less bitter and more tolerable. Yes, we all have experienced ups and downs in life, and we should even give thanks to the fact that life in itself is made of ups and downs so that we won't be bored of a monotonous life!

I think the main reason we are reluctant to give thanks is because ultimately giving thanks is the equivalent of saying that we are not masters of our destiny. Who wants to give up control? Yet we spend more time complaining rather than actually taking responsibility. It is better to be a dying cancer patient than somebird who brags about their sense of entitlement. How much better would it be for you if gratitude can put a smile on your face?

Some people think that contentment reduces motivation. After all, why work harder when you have enough? But I think this is a great missed steak. Our work ethics have shifted. In the days of yore, the purpose of work was to give something of value to the community, and in turn we were rewarded with money and fame, along with other stuffs. Then, the tables have seemingly turned and for a brief period in time, the purpose of our work had become the means to earn money, and the output for the community had become a side product. And now, even that kind of work ethic has been degraded and we are chasing images of success rather than success itself. Especially in the age of social media, we are dying (literally from depressions and suicide) to create the perfect image and have others confirm that we are living the dream life even when we are actually living in abject misery. Therefore, give thanks because you still have the ability, or at the very least, the willingness to work harder and make a contribution, no matter which field you are talented in.

There is also great use in giving thanks for the things that you lack. If I have money, then I give thanks for the things I can do with my money. If I have no money, then I give thanks for being able to live without money. If I have lots of friends, then I give thanks to the amount of people I can make a difference for. If I have no friends, then I give thanks for not putting me in bad company. If I am popular, then I give thanks because I can pour out positive influence on people who are willing to listen. If I am unpopular, then I give thanks because I don't have to live a life of constantly pleasing others. In all regards, give thanks no matter what happens in life. Because the only constant in life is your willingness to give thanks. If there is a change you need, this would be it.

I know this journal entry is quite short because honestly I don't have much to say. However, I would still thank those who are willing to read it from start to finish, and I'm grateful because I know there will be somebird out there who will take my words seriously and think about the whole problem of gratitude.